FEATURE:
Top of the Flops
IMAGE CREDIT: MTV Australia/NZ
What Happened to the Glory and Heady Taste of Music Television?
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IN a few days…
I will put out a few names that I think we need to look out for this year. I keep putting it off, but I want to wait a while and see which artists put out singles and how things go. It is hard to narrow down those who will succeed in 2020 and, in a sea of artists, making sure you do not leave anyone aside. I think streaming sites and articles are good – those that tip the artists you need to be aware of this year. It is a good radar and sense of who will make waves and who is ahead of the pack. Apart from charts and radio playlists, one is left to discover on their own and wade through the music out there: from the brilliant to the rare through to the commercial and forgettable. I admit it is fun and exciting discovering fantastic new music and getting involved with an artist on the ground level. I know things have moved from T.V. to streaming sites and the Internet when it comes to promotion and musical discovery. This is another of those subjects that I have covered frequently through the years. I have pitched ideas for music T.V. shows in the vein of Top of the Tops, The Old Grey Whistle Test and the sort of stuff we saw on MTV back in the day – the epoch of music television. Whilst many argue everyone is online and T.V. is less necessary and powerful when it comes to music discovery, I actually think people are more engaged with television compared with streaming; there is something about a well-constructed and immersive show that you cannot replicate on the Internet – unless, of course, you combine the two in the form of a Netflix or Amazon Prime show!
The reason I am re-launching this subject is because of the latest in a line of T.V. music talent shows: the skin-crawling and bizarre The Masked Singer. The concept is both unique and utterly pointless. The ITV show features a range of ‘celebrities’ that are dressed in various costumes and sing a song; the audience votes which they want to keep on and the panel guess who might be in the costume. For a start, the title of the show is flawed. Singers are not ‘masked’; they are in full costumes so, for that reason, I wonder what the point of a ‘mask’ is, as it is not their face that is obscured but their entire body. The show has featured in countries like the U.S. and, whilst they have had guests like Chaka Khan feature, the U.K. version is a lot more budget-friendly and far less impressive. Also, the ambition of guesses is laughable. In the opening show, everyone from Sir Ian McKellen to Margot Robbie was guessed, as though people of that calibre would be on a ridiculous ITV show dressed as God knows what! The idea behind the show is laudable enough: bringing a sense of joy and fun to T.V. after a year that has been bad and divisive. Britain is never good when it comes to fun. Our comedies are laughable – not in a good way -, and T.V. is full of crap panel shows and predictable drams.
IN THIS PHOTO: A typically odd line-up in The Masked Singer/PHOTO CREDIT: ITV
Occasionally, we do create an interesting and stunning show, but this is rare. Some reviews of The Masked Singer have been positive, but this example sums up the tone and bottom liner of most: why the show even exists in the first place!
“The judges are Ken Jeong, Davina McCall, Jonathan Ross and Rita Ora. Jeong, best known to British audiences for The Hangover film franchise, also judges the US version of the show and so is here because… he knows the ropes? It’s in his contract? I have no idea. He made a joke about Paula Radcliffe “taking a dump in the street”, which suited the tone of the programme perfectly.
He at least invests the panel with an off-the-wall energy. Ross is jolly. McCall is super-earnest about the whole thing, for which we can only admire her. Ora is on the panel for the reasons she is on anything, which is that her agent works hard. Her main contribution was to shout out the names of her friends: “Cara Delevingne!” “My friend Charli XCX!”
Most of the singers can’t sing, because being able to sing is not a requirement of appearing in a televised singing contest. Joel Dommett presents, proving it’s possible to radiate delight (that he’s hosting a prime-time Saturday night entertainment show) and alarm (that the show is this one) simultaneously. “Queen Bee versus Duck! Unicorn versus Butterfly! Chameleon versus Hedgehog!” were actual words spoken. I do not advise watching this programme while sober.
The only conceivable way for it to work would be if extremely famous people were behind the mask. Harrison Ford. Vladimir Putin. Princess Anne. The judges threw out wildly ambitious guesses: was the duck Margot Robbie? And that chameleon was so sexy (they really said this), surely it could only be Idris Elba?
In the end, the butterfly turned out to be Patsy Palmer, aka Bianca from EastEnders. Still, there are weeks of this to go. That duck might be Clint Eastwood”.
Admittedly, The Masked Singer is not the only disaster we have to contend with on T.V. I can understand why commissioners wanted to bring some fun to television but, given the absurd format and pointlessness of the entire show, it is a waste of time and money. When I have pitched music T.V. shows to networks, the response is the same: it costs too much money to produce. Given the costumes, guests and studio involved in shows like The Masked Singer, how can that be more cost-effective?! Look around and there are various versions of music and dancing shows. From The Greatest Dancer and Strictly Come Dancing through to The Voice and X Factor, we have to endure the same tired format. The dancing shows are not as bad but, when it comes to singing shows, the same boring, commercial and instantly forgettable artists belt out songs, get the overly-excited judges whooping and teary. I don’t think I have ever bought a record from a T.V. singing talent show contestant and, in all the years they have been running, I have never been moved or invested – and I have given these shows time. The Masked Singer has no point, really. You guess who a singer is and…that’s it.
Nothing happens after the show has finished, so I wonder what anyone gets from it. Look at the so-called ‘talent shows’ and the artists who compete will never reach the standard of real and honest artists who tread their own path. Look at the lists of ones to watch 2020 and, mostly, these are artists who have made their way through the ranks without having to rely on a talent show or some bleeding hearts sob-story – the cornerstone of every talent show around. I know times have changed but, as recently as the 1990s and early part of this century, we have enjoyed a golden period of music T.V. The advent of streaming and the Internet shifted music discovery away from the box. I know we can get music videos on YouTube, so there is not the same appeal and uniqueness when it comes to MTV, once to the must-watch station for those who wanted to see the latest hits on the screen. Apart from Later… with Jools Holland, there isn’t really a platform on T.V. to bring us the best in new music. One can say that what constitute the ‘best’ is subjective: shows like this do not cover a wide spectrum and you can only fit so much in to a single episode. That is fair, but there is scope and demand still for music T.V. From news and features to performances and new music discovery, a T.V. show seems more concise and digestible than wading through the Internet and streaming services.
New artists rely on gigs to get exposure, so bringing some of the hottest to T.V. would definitely be a good idea. Whilst doing so, we could promote venues and put the importance of live music under the microscope. Also, there are classic albums that could be featured and find a whole new audience; videos that could get an airing; album reviews and music news alongside a mix of the old-school and new. The main focus of any good music T.V. show should be new music and having a diverse platform. Recent attempts like Sounds Like Friday Night have been admirable but flawed. The last series of that show went out in 2018 and the concept was similar to Top of the Pops. With a youthful tone and music guests that were more on the Radio 1 side of the spectrum – Pop and chart-based acts -, it was too limited. The music was also too narrow and the attempts at skits, sketches and comedy was ill-judged and unnecessary. There were also guest presenters and, whereas there was something charming and appealing regarding presenters on Top of the Pops and The Old Grey Whistle Test, the lack of chemistry and consistency with Sounds Like Friday Night was another reason it did not last. If broadcasters like the BBC can afford to commission big-budget dramas, then they can commission music T.V. shows. The reason shows profit and remain on the air is because of ratings. If a music T.V. show is brilliant in terms of its concept and wins critical praise but does not prove popular with audiences, then it will still be subject to cancellation.
The act, God help us, shows like The Voice survive is because people still find time to watch T.V., despite the distractions of Smartphones and the Internet. From families and young people through to those who prefer the entertainment value rather than the music, there is at least one good thing about these talent shows: people watch, and it gets us talking. One cannot say, therefore, there wouldn’t be a demand and place for a music show that expands on these talent shows and takes away the worst elements of them, namely the facsimile singers, bleeding hearts and rigid formats (judges on the panel and the voting element). From the ridiculous drama of talent shows – winners announced after a never-ending pause to build some form of fake tension – through to the anonymity of the winners and their anodyne, overly-commercial sound, talent shows like this have had their day. There are other shows that are genre-specific, but take away the judging element, the fakery and voting and have a music show that showcases new talent from across the musical spectrum, without having the public voting and stupid judges acting like pantomime villains! I know for a fact people crave the days of Top of the Pops and the classic shows; they love old albums and magazine shows and, as a handy all-in-one, I struggle to see why a network would deny a great music T.V. show concept, given the fact it could pull in big ratings and acclaim.
I know it is risky putting a show out there with high hopes to see it mauled, yet Later… with Jools Holland has lasted decades and, endlessly, people talk about the brilliance of older music T.V. shows and their memorability. I know we cannot go back and magically summon the magic of the past in a modern format, but we can learn from recent and past failures and, with some gauging, research and sensibility, produce a new music T.V. show that pleases most people and has legs to survive. Maybe it would be more suited to Netflix or Amazon Prime, but music T.V. has so much promise. From untapped drama ideas – specific artists and albums could be brought to life – through to a world of new artists that are perfect for some airtime, I disagree that music T.V. has run its course and it is out of tune with the modern world. It is about getting the tone and concept right and, whilst tricky, it is possible and would prove successful. It is evident the talent show format has run its course and, even if shows like The Masked Singer and fun and fluffy, they lack any purpose and, judging by the critical attacks, they will not last long! Music, new and old, is so wide and fascinating, I think there is a golden T.V. show idea that would make for an irresistible proposition; one that does not rely on the conveyor belt-type formats we have now and go behind mere commercial Pop and digs deeper.
PHOTO CREDIT: @anthonydelanoix/Unsplash
START a new wave of music television.