FEATURE:
Terrorvision
Can the United Kingdom Ever Realistically Compete in the Eurovision Song Contest?
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I cannot claim to be…
IN THIS PHOTO: James Newman is the U.K.’s entrant for this year’s Eurovision Song Contest/PHOTO CREDIT: Tomodo Photography
a big fan of Eurovision, but it does provide a sense of theatre and excitement that one cannot argue against. Although the music on display is not always so good and conventional, it is a rare occasion where nations are joined together in a single night. I know there is always going to be bias and nations voting for/against one another – the United Kingdom is going to fare worse than other nations because of political tensions. I guess there is an added burden this year, as we have left the E.U., which will create extra tension and a sense of isolation. Maybe, no matter how good a U.K. song entrant is, we are going to suffer because other nations do not like us. The United Kingdom's five winners of the Eurovision Song Contest are Sandie Shaw’s Puppet on a String (1967); Lulu with Boom Bang-a-Bang (1969 tied); Brotherhood of Man with Save Your Kisses for Me (1976); Bucks Fizz with Making Your Mind Up (1981), and Katrina and the Waves with Love, Shine a Light (1997). It has been twenty-three years since our last victory, and one suspects that it will be a very long time until we win again. Some argue that the Eurovision Song Contest is irrelevant, and British music is not representative of the artists we showcase every year. This is true, but that makes me wonder why we send such weak songs into battle.
Look at other nations and the sort of spectacle they present, and the U.K. looks pretty weak in comparison. I have nothing against James Newman but, his track, My Last Breath, is pretty poor. In this BBC article, there was a note of positivity:
“James Newman has produced the UK's best Eurovision entry in years - but will that be enough?
The 31-year-old, whose younger brother is Brit Award nominee John Newman, has already written for Ed Sheeran, Jess Glynne, Calvin Harris and Little Mix.
He got a Brit Award and a Grammy nomination for his work on Rudimental's song Waiting All Night. On the other hand, he co-wrote Ireland's 2017 Eurovision entry, Dying To Try, and got knocked out in the semi-finals.
In May, he'll head to Rotterdam as a solo artist with a mid-tempo banger called My Last Breath. It's short and direct, with the sort of "woah-oh" hook that would make Chris Martin envious”.
Although Eurovision is about fun and catchy songs, is a track that reminds us of Coldplay really a mark of quality?! We seem to have this fixation with sending in entrants that you would hear on BBC Radio 1 or 2: songs that are chart fodder and do not challenge the mind or have any depth top to them. The fact that someone has written songs for big artists is not a great thing. Ed Sheeran and Jess Glynne can hardly be called brilliant or have that much credibility. Maybe they appeal to people whose musical tastes are not that broad, but it is not like Newman has worked with genuinely credible and decent artists.
Can we solely blame tactical voting and resentment against the U.K. for our poor form?! I think it is the rather weedy and unmemorable calibre of songs we dish out that could be blamed. It is not like the U.K. is short of exciting and decent Pop, either – the likes of Charli XCX and Dua Lipa show we have promise. We have a sensational Grime and Rap scene, and we can produce wonderful artists across all genres. Perhaps the more respected and high-profile artists feel Eurovision is beneath them but, as this review from The Guardian shows, Last Breath is another colour-by-numbers, lumpen effort:
“Is My Last Breath going to change this? Probably not. It’s a serviceable song that nods to the earnest post-Ed Sheeran acoustic troubadours exemplified by Lewis Capaldi and to the tub-thumping folksiness of Mumford & Sons’ debut album; the chorus throws in some Coldplay-ish massed “woah-oh”ing. You can see the logic: these artists represent three of Britain’s most successful musical exports of recent years. My Last Breath wouldn’t sound out of place on the Radio 2 playlist – but nor would it stand out on the Radio 2 playlist. The hook is OK, rather than indelible.
The main sense of intrigue about My Last Breath comes from the man singing it: Newman has a successful career as a songwriter, having been employed by Jess Glynne, Little Mix and Rudimental. You look at his track record and think: you’re doing pretty well, so why are you doing this? Why would you want to subject yourself to what is almost inevitably going to happen on 16 May in Rotterdam? Do you think this is the song to turn our fortunes around? Or are you possessed of some crazed, masochistic desire to give a succession of brave smiles to camera and half-heartedly wave a little union jack on a stick as Belarus gives the UK a desultory deux points and we’re left for dust on the leaderboard by North Macedonia?”
With so much choice at our feet in terms of established artists, why are we not moulding potential Eurovision entrants in their shadow? Rather than have the lamentable ballads and the mid-pace songs, what is wrong with a decent Pop effort or a track that has edge and potency? Look at the way we present ourselves on stage too. Whereas other nations have dancers and big sets, the U.K. is reserved, stripped-back and devoid of any festivity. Although we are maligned by many other nations, the fact there doesn’t seem to be much passion and effort project explains why we have not won for so long. It seems pointless repeating patterns and sending up the same type of artist year in year out. We can change things and have a chance of getting some points on the board, even if making the top-five seems like a stretch – no matter how good our entrant is, we are not going to win. It is the fact we barely scrape any points at all which makes me wonder why we are bothering and why our song choices every year as so beige. Let’s hope that the inevitable embarrassment this year spurs us on to reconsider next year; to be compete with a great song and make the nation proud – not that the U.K. has had much to proud of the last couple of years! I do fear the U.K. are in for a mauling this year, as so many other nations are fielding much stronger songs. Maybe another low-scoring year is just what we need to…
PROVOKE us into action.