FEATURE:
Modern Heroines
PHOTO CREDIT: Suzie Howell for The New York Times
Part Seventy-Four: Self Esteem
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ALTHOUGH I have…
PHOTO CREDIT: Eva Pentel for NME
featured Self Esteem (Rebecca Lucy Taylor) a few times recently, I have not included her in Modern Heroines. I wanted to wait until her new album, Prioritise Pleasure, was released. It has won some huge reviews and is being talked about as one of the best albums of this year. Following 2019’s Compliments Please, Prioritise Pleasure is an album that takes Self Esteem’s music to new levels. I am going to end with a playlist of her best tracks to date. One of our very best artists, it is worth starting out with a couple of reviews for Prioritise Pleasure. The album received widespread acclaim and garnered different observations and insights. This is how Loud and Quiet judged the record:
“Indie-pop veteran Rebecca Taylor, aka Self Esteem, embodies the role of a pop star with joy and confidence. She nails the technical elements, of course: the larger-than-life persona, the earworm choruses, the vocal excellence – it’s all there. But what makes her truly special is her ability to take us all with her, centring the listener in each glorious ‘fuck you’ to those who have wronged her, and in each vulnerable acknowledgement of pain. Taylor views her approach to pop as a Trojan Horse – a vehicle for poised and memorable feminist statements. Sure, it’s calculated, but it’s also raw and dangerous. Taylor’s shocking lyrical honesty goes beyond what most pop stars can offer.
Prioritise Pleasure is a frank, uplifting look at feminine survival in the midst of male violence and toxic social pressure, finding communal strength in timeless group vocals and ecstatic choruses. Early single ‘I Do This All the Time’ uses undecorated spoken word to reassure us (“Getting married isn’t the biggest days of your life / All the days that you get to have are big”), while ‘How Can I Help You’ opts instead for pummelling Yeezus-era drum hits. As a young drummer, Taylor was criticised by the men around her for the way her body moved on the kit – a grimly common experience for female percussionists. Here, her drumming becomes confrontational under lines like “I’ll always be wet, always be up for it / Politely sit, but I don’t know shit, do I? / And that’s how you live with it”.
Rather than using pop polish to mask uncomfortable truths, Prioritise Pleasure hits so powerfully specifically because it uses the language of a pop record to state them frankly. It’s masterful”.
It is amazing to think of the huge reaction that Prioritise Pleasure has been afforded – though, when you hear it, it is not that surprising. Self Esteem has been doing promotional work for the album and, going forward, I know that she will want to tour widely and extensively. You can see where she is playing and whether you still have a chance to get a ticket. There are a few interviews I want to highlight before I finish off. Before that, this review from DIY provides some useful notes and impressions:
“On her 2019 solo debut ‘Compliments Please’, Rebecca Lucy Taylor set out the stall for her project Self Esteem as an assertive but nuanced pop star. It’s with ‘Prioritise Pleasure’ that she’s upped the ante considerably. A powerful and potent look at - quite simply - the experience of being a woman in the present day, this is an album that encapsulates the fear, anger, dread and exhaustion that has become so commonplace in so many female lives. And yet, it’s a record that still offers comfort and levity; there’s a wittiness and dark humour that traverses the likes of ‘Moody’ - its opening line being the iconic “Sexting you at the mental health talk seems counter-productive” - and ‘Fucking Wizardry’, all the while remaining honest and raw, but free of judgement.
When the record’s opener ‘I’m Fine’ closes with a voice note of a woman in her early twenties explaining that - if approached by a group of men - her friends’ reaction is to begin barking like a dog - because “there is nothing that terrifies a man more than a woman who appears completely deranged” - Rebecca’s response is to begin howling herself.
It’s also an album that sees Rebecca continually pushing herself to explore new sonic avenues; eclectic instrumentation and bold sonics are the backbone of the record, with tracks switching from spoken-word manifestos (‘I Do This All The Time’) through to more traditional R&B pop formats (‘Still Reigning’) via gigantic gospel-backed offerings (‘Prioritise Pleasure’), and back again. Most importantly, though, this is a record that doesn’t compromise. An uncomfortable and unnerving listen at times - as any album dealing in this level of openness arguably should be - it’s also an absolutely necessary one. Through her own personal stories - and those of others - ‘Prioritise Pleasure’ manages to challenge accepted norms and help to exorcise long-buried demons; it’s powerful to the last drop”.
I am concentrating on Self Esteem’s most-recent album – though, with the playlist, I shall take songs from her debut album too. There has been a raft of interviews around Prioritise Pleasure. The album is a huge declaration of intent. It is also very honest and open. One of the hallmarks of Self Esteem’s music is her honesty. I think that is why so many people have connected with the album. In this NME interview, the artist’s honest nature is spotlighted:
“Such honesty is typical of Self Esteem, the name of the solo project Taylor launched in 2017 after leaving the indie-pop duo Slow Club. Currently, the 34-year-old musician is gearing up to release her second album ‘Prioritise Pleasure’, and has been playing for her largest crowds yet thanks to the runaway success of her poppy and powerful recent single ‘I Do This All The Time’, which is now in regular rotation on 6 Music. It will no doubt receive a rapturous response at the upcoming Green Man festival in Wales’ Brecon Beacons, where she’ll play before headliners Teenage Fanclub on the weekend’s second-biggest second stage.
“It’s a big slot for me,” she says, explaining that the plan is to air more songs from the upcoming album, along with plenty of choreo party spirit. “With the live show that we’re doing, there are dance routines like Pussycat Dolls… because they’re fun to play on.” She adds: “I enjoy playing into really shiny pop tropes. What I want to do is to use the palatable nature of pop to Trojan horse in my agenda. While you think you’re listening to something sexy or fizzy and poppy, it’s actually me trying to school you about consent.”
While some artists tend to mull over their message carefully before serving up a stream of manicured, media-ready mission statements in interviews, Taylor rarely censors what’s on her mind – aside from an incredibly rare clarification about the nature of her relationship with Kermit – and views openness as an important quality.
Taylor formed Slow Club in Sheffield in 2006 with fellow instrumentalist Charles Watson. After just over a decade together, the duo parted ways. Though she remains proud of the songs she and Watson wrote together – and is clear she doesn’t blame anybody for making her feel this way – Taylor began to feel suffocated by a sense of duty to the band. “The amount of songs I had that couldn’t go through the Slow Club lens – that then had to just disappear – was quite debilitating artistically,” she says.
Though Taylor doesn’t dwell on her sexuality (“my Wikipedia page says that I’m bisexual, and I’m like, ‘Wow – that’s news?”), going solo has proved freeing in certain ways. Looking back, she recognises the “inherent masculinity” and straightness of the indie scene Slow Club moved in.
She says that breaking away to do her own thing has been “the greatest joy”, adding: “Everything about that world was like, ‘Ooh – we just happen to be playing our songs quietly, don’t look at me, don’t make any sort of spectacle out of me; I’m just sort of accidentally talented. That’s something I never enjoyed about it. I want to put on a show – I want it to be too much!
“As a little girl this is what my life was like. I used to just write plays and do dances. I had this character called the Babylon Sorceress – she had this long purple dress with big sleeves and red hair. A very Florence [and The Machine] vibe actually. I told Florence about her. She was this misunderstood sorceress that was very cool, and I was very enamoured. All my female leads were very isolated and alone, and now look! My life was this Freddie Mercury fucking show. For a decade of my life, that was the worst thing about me. Now, to celebrate it is just hilarious.”
And, true to its title, ‘Prioritise Pleasure’ as a whole is an album that champions putting yourself first – even if it makes certain people uncomfortable. “I’ve done years of therapy, done plenty of work on myself, and read every fucking book you can fucking read about it, and it comes back down to true self-acceptance and self-love,” Taylor says. “It’s the answer to everything, but it’s still something that you’re meant to not do. I go down this road a lot, and I get quite upset. But then I think, no – just keep in my little part of the world, my group, accepting myself, loving myself, and then make my little silly songs and do my little silly dances. And if someone can learn from that and pass it forward, at least I’m doing something?”.
PHOTO CREDIT: Eva Pentel for NME
Before getting to a recent interview, I want to source from The Skinny’s chat with Self Esteem. The sense of size and scale on Prioritise Pleasure (compared to Compliments Please) is evident. Everything is turned up:
“Prioritise Pleasure is the title of Taylor's new record as Self Esteem. Due on 22 October via Fiction Records, it's bigger in every aspect than its predecessor, from its supercharged instrumentation to the depth of emotion found in its lyricism and vocal layering. “I thought I would get loads more budget for the second album, and I did not,” she admits with a chuckle, “so it was like, 'Okay, so how do we turn everything up to 11 with exactly the same amount of money we had the first time around?' All the songs were just very there and clear to me, and Johan [Karlberg, producer] and I have now got a synergy that we didn't have on the first record so, weirdly, the only thing that was difficult was figuring out how to make an orchestra out of my mate Galps [Sophie Galpin] in Manchester on one violin,” she laughs.
“It's kind of fun in a way because the album is so big sounding and bombastic and widescreen and cinematic, which is what I wanted to do, but I still did it with fuck all… I'm so glad I haven't achieved what I want to achieve quite yet, because imagine if I had access to an orchestra or a full choir. That's what excites me about album three."
Before getting ahead of herself, she adds: "I said what I needed to with Compliments Please, but only just… and Compliments Please was 14 tracks but it could've been 20. I was like, let's just keep going, and the same's happened [on Prioritise Pleasure]. But I think it's because I've been a musician since I was 16/17, full-time doing it, and I had so many ideas I couldn't do. So many things I wanted to do, I've just parked, and I think I thought they were gone, but they weren't. So it feels like I'm extremely realised and it's all well thought out and unbelievably worked on, but it's just like the overflow car park's been opened.
“All it's been really, Self Esteem, is my manager has just listened to me and gone, ‘Okay.’ No pushback, barely any pushback ever. Even my label don't. And that's what happens when you just fucking listen to a woman and let her make what she wants to make."
But her incredible all-singing, all-dancing live band, and the support that in turn comes from them is also worth celebrating. “It’s unreal, I could cry even thinking about it,” Taylor says. “There's an extra layer I didn't realise was going to be there which is their personal gain from performing it, and what that does on the stage, there’s some sort of fucking mad chemistry that goes on where it feels bigger than playing it live. I want Self Esteem to be this multi-layered experience, not just an artist who you like the songs of and you go and see live, and there's something about, like, what a fucking evangelical moment we're having together that feeds into an audience.
“For many years I was like 'why am I even fucking doing this with my life? I’m skint, it's shit, I can't keep up with any relationships I've got, I'm the worst friend everyone's got because I'll never be at your wedding, I'll never be at your christening.' There's so many negatives, and the only positive was to create what I wanna make... there was always this negative self-talk of, ‘What's so important that you've got to say.’ And that's all dissipated now I've got this gang, that it's for them and then therefore it's for audiences and it does feel important to be doing it, which is what I always needed to feel”.
PHOTO CREDIT: Suzie Howell for The New York Times
The final interview that caught my eye sees Self Esteem being featured by the American press. She was profiled by The New York Times.. It shows that her music, and especially Prioritise Pleasure, has really made an impact and reached beyond the U.K. It means that there will be gig requests coming in from America soon enough:
“I have felt very alone most of my life, like ‘What is wrong with me?’” Taylor said, pointing to expectations for women to settle down and have children. Her recent success “makes me feel this overwhelming relief that I’m not a total weirdo.”
If Taylor has a manifesto behind “Prioritise Pleasure,” it’s encouraging people to put themselves first without denying that they can also make mistakes. The “pleasure” mentioned in the album’s title can take many forms, she said, including what she was looking forward to doing that evening: going home, ordering take out and watching “Succession.”
Self Esteem’s rise comes at a time when new attention is being paid to violence against women in Britain following the deaths of Sarah Everard, who was kidnapped and murdered by a police officer while walking home in March, and Sabina Nessa, who was killed while walking through a park in September. This month, there have been reports of women being injected with syringes at nightclubs, a variation of “spiking,” when drugs are dropped into someone’s drink.
Jude Rogers, a music journalist who has written about “Prioritse Pleasure,” said Self Esteem’s music feels right for the moment. “We needed a woman to appear who was going to say, ‘Enough,’” Rogers said. Self Esteem is “expressing all the messiness, all the frustration and all the anger of being a woman,” in ambitious pop music,” she added.
Taylor said she’s been concerned about her safety since she was a teenager, “which I guess is like the zeitgeist now.” She started writing the album in 2019, and decided to process a sexual assault she had survived through her music. “As someone who lives very free, I like to be sexual, I like to do what I want,” she said. “But suddenly it was taken from me and I had a decision to never enjoy myself in that way again, to never be the person I like to be, or turn it all into defiant euphoria.”
The end of a toxic relationship also informed the album, but the record has a strong thread of empowerment, which Taylor said was a result of more positive experiences. “I finally hit this beautiful cross section of I’m older, the therapy’s kicked in a bit, and I care less,” she said. While making the record, she stopped worrying about other people’s expectations of her and her career.
“People like to say they’re being honest in their songs and interviews, but really they very rarely are,” he said. “Rebecca is in everything, and people relate to that.”
At her London concert last week, the relating was nearly deafening, as fans shouted along with their favorite lines (“Sexting you at the mental health club seems counterproductive” was particularly loud).
One fan, Cat Carrigan, 30, said she’s drawn to a danceable Self Esteem track called “Moody” that’s both a tale of a relationship collapsing and an attempt to reclaim a common insult used against woman. “I’ve been called a moody cow many times in my life,” Carrigan said. “It’s not going to affect me anymore”.
A terrific artist who is going to keep on producing sensational albums, Self Esteem’s Rebecca Lucy Taylor is a definite icon of the future. An inspirational artist who is already driving and influencing her peers, do make sure that you investigate…
HER current album.