FEATURE:
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)
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Dating and Work-Life Balance for Those in the Music Industry
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A subject I have raised before…
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I wonder whether those in the music industry have enough time to healthily balance work and a social life. I have talked about this before, but so few in the industry have a lot of time to look for love and commit to dating. Whether you are a musician, journalist or someone else who works in the industry, I think it can be really hard to find time for romance or even a social life. Everyone is in a different situation, but promoting music and having a career takes up so much time. A lot of it is done online. Most dating sites aren’t superficially set up for music lovers. That sounds weird, as music tastes and compatibility is one of the most powerful things. Everyone, to some degree, has a love of music. I find that the most interesting people I speak to have similar music tastes or are on the same wavelength. I would normally avoid dating websites, because there is that sense of incompatibility. Like so many in the industry, similar music tastes is a must. As I dedicate so much time to writing and music, it is important for me that dating and social life has a musical element. So many in the industry are so passionate about music, it is hard to talk about anything else. It is so firm in our minds and such a huge part of our vocabulary, hanging out with people who are similarly single-minded is really important. Dating can be hard anyway. In terms of finding the time, energy and money, you don’t really want to search too hard or wade through endless websites. Before this year, I hadn’t really seen any dating websites or apps designed for music lovers. As Mix Mag wrote earlier in the year, there is this new site, Vinlylly (I wonder whether CeCe Peniston signed off on the name!), that is designed with music fans in mind:
“A brand new dating rivalling the likes of Tinder and Bumble, Vinylly, is matching its users through musical compatibility.
Dubbed as a ‘first of its kind’, and the largest dating app based solely on music compatibility, Vinylly saw more than 18,700 matches alone in 2022, and amassed more than 40,000 profile views.
Connecting people through their taste in music, Vinylly looks into your streaming habits and consumption, and asks questions to each user about their tastes and preferences.
Earlier this week, Vinylly founder Rachel Van Nortwick tweeted some statistics from Vinylly’s recent growth, sharing that the app was recently “recognized by Mashable as one of ‘8 dating apps that are bucking against Tinder’s model’.”
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“I have been working hard on Vinylly, the inclusive dating app focused on music compatibility,” Van Nortwick explained. “I thought I'd share what we've been up to because we are shaking up the dancefloor.”
Vinylly also allows users to create and share playlists, of which saw more than 21,000 playlists viewed in 2022. Those on the app can also link their Spotify accounts, and chat to other users using music-based openers.
“We launched our own proprietary profile generator, giving all music fans the ability to create a profile in minutes. Users can still sync their Spotify too,” added the founder. “Vinylly's mission is backed by science. Connecting through music increases dopamine, oxytocin and lowers cortisol.”
In a blog post by Vinylly, cognitive psychologist Dr. Daniel Levitin spoke about the science behind music compatibility, stating that “listening to music changes your brain chemistry”. He added: “we know that people use music the way they use drugs.”
The post went on to add: "Vinylly’s algorithm allows you to match with people who have some similarities in music interests – just enough for you to find something in common, while also growing and expanding your music library”.
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It can be very lonely being in the music industry, so any site or app that makes it easier for us to find compatibility and sociability is a must! I also find that it is hard to find many social events where music is the focus. Though we do need more dating clubs and apps that are based around music and have us in mind, what about clubs or nights where those in the music industry can hang? You can go to gigs and find like-minded people, but I do think that it is hard to connect and be really sociable there – because of the noise, busy and packed venues/sites. Leading such busy lives where there is not much time to find love and friendship, it is essential that there is more out there for us. I find also artists are breaking up with their other half or finding it hard to maintain long-term relationships because that person either doesn’t understand their commitment or they are not completely compatible. I would love to find a club or venues that are less hectic than a gig where music fans can hang out. Like a big music café or site where you get smaller gigs, music books and a jukebox. You can all just hang and meet people naturally. That might exist somewhere, but I don’t think anywhere in London has something like that. I think loneliness is a big thing in the music industry. It can be – especially for journalist – particularly solitary and time-consuming. You don’t often have time to put a lot of time into finding a relationship or expanding your friend group.
Social media gives us a fake sense of friendship, belonging and influence. It is nice having people following you and interacting, but you do not often meet them. You can feel heard and supported, but it is all digital and intangible. We spend so much time immersed in that digital world, how often do we disconnect and spend time with others? For those in music, there is a disproportionate work-life balance. I would like a weekly thing I can go to that is for those in the industry. I am not sure what form it would take. But having that set time and place where you are away from the screen but get to be among your tribe and people has a lot of benefits. It can be a great way to network, but you also get more social opportunities and real-life connections. In reality, I think that dating might be harder to get right and find time for. As I say, it can be straining, lonely and isolating being in the music industry. Between spending hours online to not really having that many people who get you or you have a lot in common with, how easy is it to find love? Dating apps seem like a last resort, but they are convenient if you spend a lot of time online and don’t have the money or time to go to bars etc. It can be quite anxiety-inducing and strange trying to find someone in the real world. A lot in the music industry have psychological issues or shyness, so an online site can be a more accessible and comfortable way in. Vinylly is a great idea, but I wonder whether people write about relationships and friendship in music. I guess the situation is different for artists compared to everyone else in the industry. Many are on the road so much. When they do find a partner, it can be hard to make it last. Taylor Swift is in my thoughts when thinking of that. Do artists of her calibre and fame have the time to date, is it harder to sustain a relationship? Whether you date someone who is a musician or a ‘normal’ person, it can be really tough to make things last. That has quite a negative and long-lasting impact – though relationship woes and disconnect can inspire music!
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Recently, new attention has been put on artists and mental health issues. Whether it is because of touring a lot and being drained and affected by long gigs and travel, or the impact of negativity on social media, artists need support and care. They often have to pull back from touring, and I wonder whether labels and those in the industry provide enough care and support to ensure that artists do not overdo things and have that care when they need it. I can only imagine how difficult it is for them to hold down relationships or dedicate their time to it. Friendship and dating is as important as a music career. Often, there is too much weight and time in the latter and not enough on the former. The more I write and immerse myself in music journalism, the less time and energy I expend to a social life or dating. Gigs can provide some overlap. It is that issue of finding time and space to detach from music and allow yourself time to relax and get that human connection. Dating can be a minefield for artists and those in the industry, because so much of that spark and connection revolves around music tastes. Also, I think a relationship or friendship has a greater chance of enduring and developing if you are on the same page regarding music tastes and that passion. It can be all-consuming, so ensuring the other person understands and appreciates that is key. The more I hear about artists struggling and those online spending so much time promoting their music and, at the same time, having to deal with crap and hateful comments, the more I feel it is important to switch off. It can be impossible to do that, but it is really vital. I need to take my own advice and do something with it. From finding a compatible mate to a space where similar-minded music lovers can hang and bond, it can be really tough. If you are able to strike that balance and find that connection it can…
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